i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
