I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
