I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize