Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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