Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
