They should really pass out barf bags in church
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
