There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
