I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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