I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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