Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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