so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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