If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
