Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
