The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
