remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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