Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
