Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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