We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
