Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
