even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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