your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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