i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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