have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the day after is always just damage control
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
