i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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