Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
