whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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