Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
