We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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