Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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