did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
