I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
