Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
