I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
