Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
