Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
