who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
