Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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