i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
