why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
