i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
