There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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