people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
