She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
