Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
