yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
