That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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