I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
