Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
