This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
