I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
