You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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