Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
