I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
