Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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