girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My ass is underappreciated
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
