a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
