Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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