i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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