Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
