This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
