I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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