Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
