I didn't shave. On purpose
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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