The best revenge is premature balding
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
