Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
