He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
